“OKAY EVERYONE, WELCOME! LISTEN UP! HOW MANY OF YOU HAVE PLAYED ‘ROCK PAPER SCISSORS?’ MOST OF YOU…GOOD! WELL TODAY WE’RE PLAYING A BETTER VERSION OF THAT, PLUS TAG! TODAY WE’RE GOING TO GET STARTED WITH A GAME OF GIANTS, WIZARDS AND DWARVES. I’M KEVIN, AND I’M GOING TO EXPLAIN THE RULES OF THE GAME TO YOU ALL! MY ASSISTANTS WILL SPLIT YOU UP INTO TWO GROUPS, AND THEN EACH GROUP WILL HUDDLE UP AND DECIDE IF YOU ARE A GROUP OF GIANTS WHO STOMP (I stretch out tall and raise my arms above my head), DWARVES WHO CHOP (I crouch down low and hold an imaginary axe) OR WIZARDS WHO CAST LIGHTNING (I hold my arms out Emperor Palpatine-style). AS EVERYONE KNOWS GIANTS STOMP WIZARDS, WIZARDS FRY DWARVES, AND DWARVES CHOP GIANTS (I do the poses again). AFTER YOU PICK, YOUR TEAM WILL LINE UP FACE TO FACE AGAINST THE OTHER TEAM. ON THE COUNT OF THREE, BOTH TEAMS WILL STRIKE THEIR POSES. REMEMBER, THE WHOLE TEAM DOES THE SAME POSE!! IF YOUR TEAM ‘WON’, GO TAG THE OPPONENT AND THEY’LL JOIN YOU ON THE WINNING SIDE. IF YOU LOST, TURN AND RUN TO FIGHT ANOTHER TIME. MY ASSISTANTS WILL DESIGNATE THE SAFE LINES.”
From the springs of 1993 to 1994, I lived and worked at Genesee Valley Outdoor Learning Center, in northern Maryland. It was a ropes course, if you know what that is. It was part adventure, part school, part camp, part teambuilding center, part working farm. It’s operating, by the way. So while I say “it was”, I think “it still is” but I’m sure the parts mixture has changed a bit in 25 years. We had clients that ranged from federal agency and corporate team building sessions to small groups of therapy groups for at-risk kids.
You’ll be unsurprised to know that school field trips were the largest part of the gig. While I was there, Chelsea Clinton was a junior-high student, and although I didn’t work with her or her classmates, I remember the secret service agents wandering around the farm for two days, like the world’s fittest and most protective dads.
The place was in the middle of nowhere, so everyone arrived after an hour on the bus or in the car. People would land full of pent up energy, anxiety, and urine, so before any of that overflowed, or the rules got laid down, we’d try to get them out of their before mood and into a headspace more suitable for a day of challenging fun. Out of the gravel parking lot at the top of the hill, we’d lead everyone to the other side of the wood-rail fence into the giant farm field, and get everyone good and goofy. In small groups of 5-10 you warm up with jokey games of “frog-and-handkerchief” and with a couple dozen you play a rousing round of “zombie-soccer” or “popsy-the-egg” depending on the age-group.
When a fleet of busses disgorges the entire sophomore class at 9am you’ve got a challenge. You’ve got yourself a crowd for a good game of “Giants, Wizards, and Dwarves.”
At some point while I was working, that’s what happened. I don’t remember what grade, or what school, but I know it was a couple hundred teens, teachers and parents. It was big. I don’t remember exactly when, but I know it was after my brother Jim had been working as a parade adjutant at the Marine Corps Barracks Washington. The reason that is germane is because Jim had to practice his “loud voice” to project out over a parade ground crowd. Now my loud voice came naturally, but I’m always willing to learn a few tips from people who have to yell over the sound of explosions.
So go back and read out the intro and instructions. Imagine someone trying to be a cross between a drill sergeant and a head cheerleader. Now imagine that coming out of Anthony Michael Hall’s character from Sixteen Candles. That’s probably about right. I thought I was so cool.
Each round one team would grow smaller and smaller, until there were just a few intrepid holdouts lining up to face an overwhelming phalanx of classmates. Now that I think about it, I think instead of going ‘one, two, three’, or ‘ready, set go’ each round started with them going through all the poses for practice then committing to their team’s choice.
“READY? GIANT….WIZARD…DWARF…GO!”